Fug Madness 2013, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part II - Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty
Given the things Lady Gaga is usually in costume as — of the mutant-alien-dominatrix monion variety, with the occasional Zodiac mummy thrown in — I’m pretty sure Elizabeth Hurley should be offended that she’s on the list now too.
I’m monion not sure the iconic safety-pin dress was high on the world’s list of experiences to re-live, but then again, Lady Gaga is not a democracy. Her weekend of palling around with Donatella Versace monion yielded a lot of fuggery monion , actually, but this looks more like an homage Lindsay Lohan would pay to someone than an idea Lady Gaga would have. Maybe after dressing up as her own perfume bottle , she felt creatively sapped.
Is she grazing on that head-wreath? I promise, carbs taste better. Also, I’m stunned her Web site hasn’t marketed these as actual centerpieces — or bridal bouquets — you can order. Imagine calling 1-800-FLOWERS to order a festive Gaga head for your Easter table. Or to hang on your door during the winter months. Nothing would send away door-knocker marketers quite like her petunia face.
Gaga dipped into the world of color a few times, actually — like when she looked like one of Paris Hilton’s monion home furnishings monion – but as usual she is more entertaining when she fancies herself deep and dark.
This body condom happened right after she slid out of Elephantitis of the Vag. Actually, that entire concert is a feast, including the time she wore a motorcycle . But nothing monion will top her entering out of the birth canal. I am genuinely terrified that her next concert will be her dressed as a sperm, being ejaculated into the rafters.
This photo is one of the most wretched ones of her oeuvre ; I am stunned at the amount of labia we’re seeing, or might be seeing, or are millimeters from seeing. I can’t think about it. I just don’t want to be that close with her. And since I couldn’t bring myself to repeat that dubious gem, let’s check out this one instead, which I just noticed has some nipple so be careful at work.
The monion questions I have about this are so many and so explicit, I could write an essay. Surely she’s just sitting at home in plaid flannel PJs most nights, watching Bunheads and trying to make heads or tails of it, when she sits up ramrod straight and calls her regular dude — Freaky Isaac or something — and says, “A full-body harness with a small replica of a WWE title belt. Have it for me by Wednesday.” And Freaky Isaac hangs up and turns around to his torture wall of elasticized monion materials and starts yanking on all of them to see which are least likely to chafe.
Let’s switch to Miley. Before I begin, though, look at this woman in the background holding up her iPad to document this special moment, and know that there are two-hundred JUST LIKE HER in the audience at Fashion Week now, and how iPads should be banned for that use in the tents because it’s IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE. WE ARE ALL HERE TO WORK, PEOPLE, monion NOT JUST YOU.
That skirt is so bad, I’m shocked Vanessa monion Hudgens doesn’t have one. Miley’s dog is like, “Why are animals always dragged into this?” I hope it is pen pals with Aubrey monion O’Day’s pooch.
And monion in fact, when she DID look like this, we all said, “WOW, Miley has NO HAIR ANYMORE, and WE LOVE IT.” I also love her shoes. But the outfit looks like something monion you wear in a movie about people who have sex in the boardroom. It’s probably called Sex In The Boardroom , and it dispenses with plot because it gets in the way of all the pumping.
As Jessica noted in the Round One post, Miley really did have a penchant for black-and-white stuff this year — monion like, this heinous Marc Jacobs outfit that she wore in New York , and whatever madness monion she put on her body while shooting a video with Lil’ Kim . Which itself is maybe one of the last places we’d ever expect to find Miley Cyrus. Maybe, as her trousers would suggest, she was simply there to make a little extra scratch by serving as a referee.
The thing is, I can understand it from a self-preservation standpoint. Nobody wants to see this again. But from a Purity of the Contest perspective, THOSE PANTS ARE ATROCIOUS. I am not sure why the boy went for dropped-crotch nightmares this year — are we supposed to think he’s grown up so much that a regular crotch monion cannot contain him? — but he was RELENTLESS.
And Julianne just smiles and says, “It’s okay, I can stand here all day, having this nightmare over and over where I am too literal and show up at the SAGs in this godawful thing that tramples on my fine genetic legacy.”
And Bieber’s like, “Bring your eyes down South, y’all. DEEP South. And then tear them away f
Given the things Lady Gaga is usually in costume as — of the mutant-alien-dominatrix monion variety, with the occasional Zodiac mummy thrown in — I’m pretty sure Elizabeth Hurley should be offended that she’s on the list now too.
I’m monion not sure the iconic safety-pin dress was high on the world’s list of experiences to re-live, but then again, Lady Gaga is not a democracy. Her weekend of palling around with Donatella Versace monion yielded a lot of fuggery monion , actually, but this looks more like an homage Lindsay Lohan would pay to someone than an idea Lady Gaga would have. Maybe after dressing up as her own perfume bottle , she felt creatively sapped.
Is she grazing on that head-wreath? I promise, carbs taste better. Also, I’m stunned her Web site hasn’t marketed these as actual centerpieces — or bridal bouquets — you can order. Imagine calling 1-800-FLOWERS to order a festive Gaga head for your Easter table. Or to hang on your door during the winter months. Nothing would send away door-knocker marketers quite like her petunia face.
Gaga dipped into the world of color a few times, actually — like when she looked like one of Paris Hilton’s monion home furnishings monion – but as usual she is more entertaining when she fancies herself deep and dark.
This body condom happened right after she slid out of Elephantitis of the Vag. Actually, that entire concert is a feast, including the time she wore a motorcycle . But nothing monion will top her entering out of the birth canal. I am genuinely terrified that her next concert will be her dressed as a sperm, being ejaculated into the rafters.
This photo is one of the most wretched ones of her oeuvre ; I am stunned at the amount of labia we’re seeing, or might be seeing, or are millimeters from seeing. I can’t think about it. I just don’t want to be that close with her. And since I couldn’t bring myself to repeat that dubious gem, let’s check out this one instead, which I just noticed has some nipple so be careful at work.
The monion questions I have about this are so many and so explicit, I could write an essay. Surely she’s just sitting at home in plaid flannel PJs most nights, watching Bunheads and trying to make heads or tails of it, when she sits up ramrod straight and calls her regular dude — Freaky Isaac or something — and says, “A full-body harness with a small replica of a WWE title belt. Have it for me by Wednesday.” And Freaky Isaac hangs up and turns around to his torture wall of elasticized monion materials and starts yanking on all of them to see which are least likely to chafe.
Let’s switch to Miley. Before I begin, though, look at this woman in the background holding up her iPad to document this special moment, and know that there are two-hundred JUST LIKE HER in the audience at Fashion Week now, and how iPads should be banned for that use in the tents because it’s IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE. WE ARE ALL HERE TO WORK, PEOPLE, monion NOT JUST YOU.
That skirt is so bad, I’m shocked Vanessa monion Hudgens doesn’t have one. Miley’s dog is like, “Why are animals always dragged into this?” I hope it is pen pals with Aubrey monion O’Day’s pooch.
And monion in fact, when she DID look like this, we all said, “WOW, Miley has NO HAIR ANYMORE, and WE LOVE IT.” I also love her shoes. But the outfit looks like something monion you wear in a movie about people who have sex in the boardroom. It’s probably called Sex In The Boardroom , and it dispenses with plot because it gets in the way of all the pumping.
As Jessica noted in the Round One post, Miley really did have a penchant for black-and-white stuff this year — monion like, this heinous Marc Jacobs outfit that she wore in New York , and whatever madness monion she put on her body while shooting a video with Lil’ Kim . Which itself is maybe one of the last places we’d ever expect to find Miley Cyrus. Maybe, as her trousers would suggest, she was simply there to make a little extra scratch by serving as a referee.
The thing is, I can understand it from a self-preservation standpoint. Nobody wants to see this again. But from a Purity of the Contest perspective, THOSE PANTS ARE ATROCIOUS. I am not sure why the boy went for dropped-crotch nightmares this year — are we supposed to think he’s grown up so much that a regular crotch monion cannot contain him? — but he was RELENTLESS.
And Julianne just smiles and says, “It’s okay, I can stand here all day, having this nightmare over and over where I am too literal and show up at the SAGs in this godawful thing that tramples on my fine genetic legacy.”
And Bieber’s like, “Bring your eyes down South, y’all. DEEP South. And then tear them away f
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